Will you still send daughter to school after getting pregnant?

Note:  This is one of my earliest topics in a discussion board that I transported to this blog.  I will be including the comments (but not my responses) of those who participated in the discussion.

Pregnancy - 39 weeks

A relative was devastated because her daughter got pregnant while still in college. She vowed that she will not let her go to school anymore. She was apprehensive that she might get pregnant again.

I told her that it will be beneficial for everybody that her daughter
goes back to school again after giving birth.

Will you heed my advice if something like this happens to you, as a
mother? And if you are a young teen or a young woman who committed such
mistake, are you going to pursue your studies and your dreams?

Comments:

From rhea_41084

Getting pregnant is not a hindrance to continue her studies, in fact she needs to study more not only for herself but for the benefit of her child.

From newbuzinez

yes i agree with you. i don’t think her daughter will commit the same mistake again after what she has been through.. she’ll learn from her mistakes anyway. there’s always a saying: fool me once , shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.. 🙂

From nightrose1981

Of course I would send her back. Because how can she have a future without the education to raise her child. I would do whatever it took to make sure my grandchild was cared for and that my child could afford the life a child needs. Only way to get that is to get an education so you can get a reasonable paying job.

From tbmomin

Why would she not send her daughter to college because she’s pregnant? To tell you the truth, I don’t agree with you either! She can still go to college even if she’s pregnant! I don’t think that just because she’s pregnant means everything that shes doing should be stopped. She can still go even before she gives birth to the baby. Tell your relative that she cannot make her to stop her education. She is gonna miss a year of her life by just staying at home doing nothing. People will eventually come to know about her situation, so why hide? she will have a baby to support, so she’ll have to try and stand on her own now. Im a young woman and I commited the same mistake while I was doing my PG. But that didnt stop me from pursuing my studies and dreams and now I have a respectable job and Im able to stand on my own and support my family. Im a good mother. I give time for my children and I never allowed my family matters to hamper my studies and never let my studies come between my family. Even my family members never left my side even though I let them down. Now Im married to the same guy, have two wonderful kids and don’t have any regrets! I think your relative will learn from my example.

From kristinad

i don’t understand why she can’t go to school while she is pregnant.it’s not like she is 15yr’s old at that age you are an adult and i think after she has the baby it is going to be hard for her to go back to school because who is going to watch the baby while she goes to school?

From pasttiger

It would be even more important for her to finish her education now. She has a baby to support. Why is she sure that she would get pregnant again. Does the daughter want to go back to school? Did she keep the baby? I would want my daughter to go back to school so she could get a good job to support the baby. I really thought that you were going to say that she was in high school. That is a big lesson to learn not just a quick thing to get over. So I wouldn’t think that she would do it again.

From fuxiadong

I agree with your advice.

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52Photos Project #12 – Someone You Love

52 Photos Project
'Papsie'
‘Papsie’

I wouldn’t leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I’ll take the bad times
I’ll take you just the way you are

Picture above is my husband’s, taken last April, 2012. He’s my best friend and a great fan of mine he he

Why not, choc nut?

The post is not about Choc Nut. I know it’s a feeble attempt to get one’s attention but it’s actually the intention. 😀

It’s about why we (my family – kids and Papsie) like to hang out and eat out at Banapple. (The last time we had our dinner was on September 7 of this year.) First, it’s affordable and one’s money’s worth.  Second, the foods are delish, and third, the eatery’s layout is cool with the warm lighting and design.

Who would not want to try their Super Caesar Salad?

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I ordered Herbed Chicken Rolls with Basil Cream Sauce. It has a very large serving of rice with it. It’s a little salty (but creamy as what was implied in its name) for me but it goes well with rice. Papsie had Banapple Beef and Sausage Stew. The taste of the dish was just right.

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Herbed Chicken Rolls with Basil Cream Sauce

Here is daughter Kay and son Daryl while waiting for the food.

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Guess what they had for themselves? You are right if you guessed pasta. They ordered Fettuccine Jacintha and Trio of Sausages Fettuccine respectively.

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Trio of Sausages Fettuccine

Though we had a hard time looking for a parking slot and Papsie almost lost his temper because of it, the night ended with us full and happy.

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52Photos Project #3: Light and Dark

52 Photos Project

These photos were taken on November, 2008 when the family visited the graves of the departed ones.  Every year,  in the Philippines, November 1 is declared as a special non-working holiday in observance of  All Saints’ Day followed by the observance of All Souls’ Day on November 2.

undas 2008 147
“Maybe that’s what the night is for, just so’s we can know the difference when the light comes again.”
? Howard Bahr, The Black Flower: A Novel of the Civil War
undas 2008 122
“A misstep many make: they mistake darkness for meaning. They think light is easy. They think light will find a way through the crack in the door by itself. But it doesn’t – you have to open the door & let it in.”
? Melanie Gideon
undas 2008 120
“When you light a candle, you also cast a shadow.”
? Ursula K. Le Guin
undas 2008 090
“Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark. Begin at the beginning. Tell Gregory a story. Make some light.”
? Kate DiCamillo, The Tale of Despereaux
UNDAS 2007 029
“Fear can only grow in darkness. Once you face fear with light, you win.”
? Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

 

 

 

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Complicated Love: Story #1

English: So called Husband and Wife trees at L...
English: So called Husband and Wife trees at Lynncraigs Farm, Dalry, North Ayrshire, Scotland. Tree species – Blackthorn. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yes, love is a complicated matter at times, most of the times for some.   I am now sharing stories of complicated love situations (sources are varied :D). It starts today.

I believe there isn’t a perfect relationship but that there is always a dysfunction somewhere combined with it.  This is why complications happen at times where each of us reacts differently.

Here now is story #1:

Husband and wife lived with each other peacefully for years.   It seemed that everything is fine where husband worked and went straight home everyday to wife and kids.  Wife was a certified housewife that takes care of the three (3) kids and their needs, the house chores, and the husband’s needs.  She felt content and happy.  Who would not be when husband is a good provider and not living a life of vice?

One day, a knock was heard at the door.  When wife opened the door, a younger woman carrying a two-year-old child greeted her undecidedly with a gloomy smile.  Wife was told that the younger woman was seeing her husband for more than three years already and that the little child was his.  Husband does not know of the younger woman’s decision of seeing the wife.  Allegedly the husband was not visiting them anymore and had been remiss in his support for the child.

How would you react to this surprise?

My thoughts:

It would be hypocrisy not to feel anger towards the young woman who had suddenly decided to appear and tell me these hurtful things.  I might probably be sarcastic while investigating.  Am I to be blamed?  But because she was not alone in this as she had purportedly claimed, I will wait for the husband until he comes home.  His reaction will be almost enough to tell the real story once he saw our uninvited guest.

After confirming if it truly was his child, and that he had an affair with the woman, I would probably not talk of patching up things between me and him.  It will all be over but I will make sure that he shall support me and my children.  It would not be easy, I know.  I could probably burst into tears and will probably feel very devastated, weak, and confused, but I will make sure to gather the strength to compose myself.

What are your thoughts about this?  What would you do if something similar happens to you?

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Surprise! Surprise!

Yesterday was Papsie’s birthday! He had no idea that we planned something for the celebration.  A day before he was telling Daryl that maybe we should be celebrating his birthday at Lam Tin.  The two children made efforts in creating drama that Kay will have to buy something at SM North Edsa, and Daryl said that perhaps we’ll need to look for a restaurant at SM North.

On the other hand, I repeatedly asked him if he has his driver’s license with him all the time then I also asked if he has his SSS ID with him.  He told me later that he was beginning to wonder why I was asking those questions but never dared to ask why.

When we arrived at SM North, the kids told him that we’ll be looking for a place at The Block.  He just went with the flow.  While going up, he began to ask where we are heading and why we keep on going up.  I couldn’t tell him ‘because Vikings is at the 4th floor!’.   When we’re at the 4th floor, he immediately saw Vikings and said, “O, andito pala Vikings, no. 1 buffet restaurant yan, mahal dyan! Pinakita sa TV yan nung isang araw.” I stuck with the drama and mumbled ‘where is Kay and Daryl’, acting like looking for them, when I already knew that they are in the queue.

Papsie and I walked along the path and we both saw Daryl waving his hand, Kay was all smiles.  Papsie eyes grew big and exclaimed, “P*tang ‘na, mahal dyan!”, realizing that we are about to eat at Vikings.  He was taken by surprise,  a very good surprise, and he kept saying that the food price at Vikings is very costly.  He also looked at that time teary-eyed.

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Papsie learned that Daryl had made a reservation last week. It was truly unexpected for him and was really overwhelmed. With everybody excited, we entered Vikings with lots of expectations. We were not disappointed and went home very full. Everybody happy.

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Sheer Acceptance

birhtday-tree-HiRes
photo courtesy of Booksicals

As a mother, I always regard my children with fondness like they were still little children. I still cook for them during birthdays, or during any occasion. Consciously though, I yearn for that excitement and admiration to the effort they elicit when they were little children. There was this unexplainable joy to watch them appreciate with all honesty.

I guess every parent experience this hunger for the unrivaled affection a child gives when they were younger. As they live their own lives though, you will feel the changes. Of course, it is inevitable. Also with change comes pain. Sometimes it can also be accompanied with shock, with panic.

When things change in-between the parents and the children, which is bound to happen, it is sheer acceptance of the realities that these things are but normal, that their priorities change (and you may not even be included in the top list anymore), and that they are shaping their own lives, that have to be accepted.

Thinking out loud, you know.

A Parent’s Lament

An icon illustrating a parent and child

When one feels indebted in her role as a mother, she gets confused if she is already crossing the line against her children’s own set of principles.  Then there is this nagging truth that they are already young adults and are trying to live their own in their own ways.  Sometimes though it can be annoying when children forget about little things like house rules where a mother or a father or a guardian is held hostage by love that demands understanding and patience.  Most of the time, a lot of these are required.

I am not demanding homage like they have to put me, and my other half, at the pedestal. Some parents can be this demanding. I give them freedom as much as I would want it given me – in generous amounts but taking into account sensibility or an emotional response to situations when needed.  Children at times though can be illogical, or irrational, even with kindness pushing parents to brinks of disgust .

It can be exasperating, I know, to always try to be fair and sensible when children do not seem to realize the effort it takes to at least become one good parent if not perfect.

I give myself time to ponder my own ways and principles. I frequently talk to my other half about assorted feelings of annoyance, frustration, or indignation.  It can be gratifying to have someone equally sensible and understanding, though we do not agree all the time, to stay sharp.  I think we both need these moments to keep afloat.

A parent’s lament is different from one to another.  I have mine, as I conceive it, as spice to this wonderful life as a mother, as a parent, as a friend to a child though I am his or her parent, and as a co-parent.  I have to say that there are more boons than snags.

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I am a parent, and here’s some thoughts

It’s not only children who grow.  Parents do too.  As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours.  I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun.  All I can do is reach for it, myself.  ~Joyce Maynard

Child 1
Child 1 (Photo credit: Tony Tr?n)

I have to admit I also grew up while they were growing up.  My children were trained to be independent-minded, as free-thinkers, as freedom lovers, as realists,  as justice sympathizers, and to be individuals upholding integrity, dedication and truth.

It is not easy for one parent to be a parent with children that know their rights fully well, that stand on what they believe in, that are not swayed or influenced easily, and that have minds of their own. I tell you it was, and it is, not easy.

Along the way, Papsie and I have learned a lot from this journey.  It is very true that as we live, we learn.  It is an unending journey of learning.  With it comes acceptance of your own misgivings and your own weaknesses as parents.  We learned to accept the unacceptable.  Translate: we become more understanding individuals.

While Papsie and I wilt with old age and illnesses, we are confident though that they will be able to carry on life, and perhaps be better than how we tried to live it, even without us around. In fact, they are already better than how we tried reaching the sun.

The truth of the matter is, there were many rough roads before we managed to realize how important each of us is to one another.  We had developed this bond so strong that it was what kept us getting on.  We were complete, no one was absent in tempering the ties. Everybody in our household cooperated, and I believe it will be stronger.

I am simply happy today. 😀  I realized Papsie and I succeeded even if our roles in our children’s lives are just secondary fiddle it may seem.  I believe we were successful in imparting the vital ingredients in life.

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"Halimaw ka!"

Stairway in Ford plant in LA from HABS; Ford M...

Yesterday, on my way to work, and just before I step on the overpass stairs, at the corner of the stairway, a mother and her small son was talking.  The boy was on the verge of crying and seemed like he wanted something.  All of a sudden, the mother yelled, “E, di bumili ka, halimaw ka!” (Then buy it, you monster!) I was shocked to hear a mother say the word ‘halimaw’ to the little child who was about six (6) to seven (7) years old.

I can understand that to be a working mother is not an easy task.  It is always a challenge to keep one’s composure in the midst of stressful situations like the one above.  It is not understandable though to batter a child because a mother is in such situations where everything is simultaneously going inside the mind.

I have to admit I had moments where my patience was tested when the children are still young.  I am glad I did not give in and hurt them physically and emotionally.  It is much easier though to hear a little child making his or her demands than hearing a grown-up child chide his parent/s of hurtful things.

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Thinking of Summer

There will be a longer Lenten vacation this year and it also speaks of summer here in the Philippines.  It is the time of the year where we’re thinking of swimming and excursions.  If only we have our own pool, we will be worrying only about pool supplies. The reason why I tend to think this way is the hit and miss scouting for the right but cheaper venue.

The photo above shows a beautiful spot for swimming. It looks like it is perfect but it was only in pictures where the venue is appealing. It is more a pond than a swimming pool. The rocks are slippery and there were no warning signs that indicate the deeper part.  We were here last year and we were only left with a choice to enjoy and deal with what was at hand. It was a fun day after all.

One can’t blame me for wishing to have my own pool where we can dip anytime we want. On second thought, would that be high maintenance?

What I Cannot Afford

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While some would wallow in self-pity because they cannot afford to buy the latest smart phone, or the latest shoes, bag and apparel, or the latest car model, I do not grieve over these things that only those with intangibles could afford.  I worry about the intangible matters that a mother cannot afford.

I Cannot Afford to be Sick. We are a family of four.  We don’t have a help because we cannot afford, and it’s impractical, I guess, for now.  My husband is physically challenged, and concurrently ill and have to be monitored.  He is mobile but he cannot be doing the hard stuff in the house to help me like he used to.  Therefore, almost everything is on my shoulder, from the dishes to the laundry to the cleaning.  Both kids are busy.  My daughter is an artist and her tool of the trade is her hand but even then I shouted SOS the other day.  They have to help wash the dishes.  My superpowers had diminished I told them.  Good thing son is more helpful and sensitive.  Therefore, I should not be sick most of the time.  I am fighting my OC tendencies about things because that would make me sick, dwelling on details, though I have to admit it is sometimes my defense against anxieties.

Angry All the Time
Image via Wikipedia

I Cannot Afford to be Angry. My temper is my weakness.  I am slow to anger but lately, I tend to get angry easily.    I tend to get angry at things with extreme unimportance like the attitude of the ‘tambay’ outside the house or a nasty comment from somebody or my husband’s tantrums and egocentric thoughts, or my daughter’s inexplicable ideas in life.  The other day I vowed not to succumb to the anger temptation.  Besides, I thought to myself, stress caused by anger can also make me sick, and I cannot afford to be sick.

I Cannot Afford to Worry. I am the type of person who worry too much especially about my beloved ones.  I discovered I cannot do this forever.  I need to stop.  I need to be happy, and not anxious, sad and angry all in one instance because I am worried.  I need to verbalize what I feel instead of worrying.  Again, I said to myself, stress from anxiety can also make me sick.  I still wanted to live longer, to enjoy life more, and still do the things I want to do.

I Cannot Afford to be Weak. Mothers are wells or pillars of strength contrary to belief that it is the fathers that are described as such.  A mother cannot afford to be weak because all the others, yes, all of them, are weak at one point or another.  With the multiple challenges one family faces,  a mother must serve as the light.  She has to be an equalizer, and she has to be neutralizer at the same time.  Her family members are diverse and she cannot afford not to be strong and give sound judgment when conflicts arise.  I know this sounds like a generalization but aren’t most mothers pillars of strength?

This is my short list of things I cannot afford.  You may have a different list but I know, some of the things in this list can be yours, too, because you are a mother.

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How they have grown

Last night, there was a meeting in the house.

the kids now

The meeting was about the upcoming Christmas party.  As I look at them, including my kids, I cannot help but realize that I am already growing ‘old’.  Add to the fact that there is that cute little toddler in the middle doing funny tricks.

Hayyyy… old age.  Inevitable old age.  But to see them going along peacefully and harmoniously makes the heart confident that there will probably be nothing damaging that will happen against each of them.  Now, I am being optimistic.

Family Bonding

How important is family bonding to you?  Bonding, from Dictionary.com, is the process by which individuals become emotionally attached to one another.  It is also the close friendship that develops between adults, often as a result of intense experiences.

For me, family bonding is very important.  It strengthens the relationship of each family member.  It makes every family member feel that there is a place and there are people one can go to when in trouble, or afflicted with emotional predicaments, or when the world seems to be the adversary.

Once in a while, when there is a chance, and enough resources, our family makes it a point to be with each other, and enjoy the company of each other.  Whatever differences we have, each of us will bear, and understand, and if necessary, forgive.

When there is no money, or no enough money, we stay at home and watch DVD.  Or we prepare food to gobble and enjoy.

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Photohunt: Balanced, and a Birthday

Today is my firstborn’s birthday.  She is 20, and she is a balance between youth and adulthood.

As Ann Hood describes in Maisie – “… a puzzle, full of twists and turns, sharp corners, dead ends,” Kay is like Maisie, too, in some ways. But she is sweet in an unprecedented way, ambitious and full of surprises.

Last Friday, she announced that she was granted a thesis grant, and there were only five (5) of them in their class who were chosen by the panel of judges to receive the grants.

That is why we are celebrating!  Happy birthday to the young lady who does not need weight loss supplements yet.   😀   😀   😀   And hurray, hurray!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CZARINA KAY!

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