A Week After

Lingering?

I am not a believer of stories that the dead lets their presence felt for days after the time their spirit leaves their physical bodies. But the first night of the wake, it was in our house (where I presently live), my sister heard of something like “Psst!” near the door of my room. She ran to me and told me that she heard something but there was nobody around. I shrugged and replied it was only her imagination. But I heard the same “Psst!” the second night, very clear and felt very near. Along with it were the goose bumps that ran from my neck to the top of my head. I panicked inside but did not tell the story at once. I heard it again on the last night of the wake near her coffin and simply ignored it though I was scared. When she was about to be brought to her final resting place, I heard the “Psst!” again, and then after she was buried, when we returned to the house. It was such a weird feeling. I cannot pretend that I was not afraid. The thought that it could be something from the demon is really scary. But a Christian friend told me that I should not be afraid and rebuke the presence. Others believe otherwise and kept on telling me it was my mother who must have missed the things she wanted to say when she was still living. They told me to talk to her like assuring things that everything is fine and that she rest in peace. But what if the ‘ghost’ replied, I answered laughing. Could it be her lingering?

Frustrated again?

Have you ever encountered people who repeatedly tell lies? It is as if they were born to lie. So frustrating. He could have shown that once in a while he could be trusted. I remember an elderly who once told me about the saying ‘if you cannot be trusted for a single centavo, what more for a peso’?

As if this negativity is the thing that is lingering around, a superior had not still met with those concerned regarding an issue at work. I am pissed of the thought that the matter was left hanging when resolving an issue like that will not even require a day.

A Blessing

A friend who is also a cousin (and who had recently been promoted to assistant undersecretary of a government agency) sent me a text message one day. He told me that he was so sorry he was not able to visit the funeral because of his schedule. He gave me assistance, through my bank account, (for the burial expenses), quite a considerable amount which overwhelmed me and made me cry. How could he have felt that I went kaput after the whole thing? It brought back the memory again of my mother, and the sufferings. But he is a blessing, a comfort in my hour of need.

To you my friend: You told me that you can’t repay God’s gift of good friends but you can thank Him with gladness in your heart. The feeling is mutual and my prayers are the same. God bless you with happiness and zealousness the rest of your life.

Finder’s Keepers?

After the recognition day yesterday, Papsie and the kids went to KFC for their lunch. Daryl approached Ate Kay holding a P 1,000 peso bill and asked if it is real. Papsie reached for the bill and inspected it and told them, “Ayos, bawi na ang gastos natin.” (Ok, our expenses are paid off!) Kay refused with a mumble, “Pa…” The father was, of course, affected by his ‘conscience’ and told her that he cannot just ask people around because there can be those who will claim the money even if it is not theirs. So, he observed and when he saw a woman frantically searching her bag, he immediately approached her and asked her if something is missing. The lady thanked him telling that it is money for the blow-out of her child who had graduated.

A Week After

Lingering?

I am not a believer of stories that the dead lets their presence felt for days after the time their spirit leaves their physical bodies. But the first night of the wake, it was in our house (where I presently live), my sister heard of something like “Psst!” near the door of my room. She ran to me and told me that she heard something but there was nobody around. I shrugged and replied it was only her imagination. But I heard the same “Psst!” the second night, very clear and felt very near. Along with it were the goose bumps that ran from my neck to the top of my head. I panicked inside but did not tell the story at once. I heard it again on the last night of the wake near her coffin and simply ignored it though I was scared. When she was about to be brought to her final resting place, I heard the “Psst!” again, and then after she was buried, when we returned to the house. It was such a weird feeling. I cannot pretend that I was not afraid. The thought that it could be something from the demon is really scary. But a Christian friend told me that I should not be afraid and rebuke the presence. Others believe otherwise and kept on telling me it was my mother who must have missed the things she wanted to say when she was still living. They told me to talk to her like assuring things that everything is fine and that she rest in peace. But what if the ‘ghost’ replied, I answered laughing. Could it be her lingering?

Frustrated again?

Have you ever encountered people who repeatedly tell lies? It is as if they were born to lie. So frustrating. He could have shown that once in a while he could be trusted. I remember an elderly who once told me about the saying ‘if you cannot be trusted for a single centavo, what more for a peso’?

As if this negativity is the thing that is lingering around, a superior had not still met with those concerned regarding an issue at work. I am pissed of the thought that the matter was left hanging when resolving an issue like that will not even require a day.

A Blessing

A friend who is also a cousin (and who had recently been promoted to assistant undersecretary of a government agency) sent me a text message one day. He told me that he was so sorry he was not able to visit the funeral because of his schedule. He gave me assistance, through my bank account, (for the burial expenses), quite a considerable amount which overwhelmed me and made me cry. How could he have felt that I went kaput after the whole thing? It brought back the memory again of my mother, and the sufferings. But he is a blessing, a comfort in my hour of need.

To you my friend: You told me that you can’t repay God’s gift of good friends but you can thank Him with gladness in your heart. The feeling is mutual and my prayers are the same. God bless you with happiness and zealousness the rest of your life.

Finder’s Keepers?

After the recognition day yesterday, Papsie and the kids went to KFC for their lunch. Daryl approached Ate Kay holding a P 1,000 peso bill and asked if it is real. Papsie reached for the bill and inspected it and told them, “Ayos, bawi na ang gastos natin.” (Ok, our expenses are paid off!) Kay refused with a mumble, “Pa…” The father was, of course, affected by his ‘conscience’ and told her that he cannot just ask people around because there can be those who will claim the money even if it is not theirs. So, he observed and when he saw a woman frantically searching her bag, he immediately approached her and asked her if something is missing. The lady thanked him telling that it is money for the blow-out of her child who had graduated.

The Lord Giveth, the Lord Taketh

At 2:00 am of March 18, 2007, my mother expired. That is what the doctor told us. But I felt that she passed away more or less 30 minutes past because when I approached the bed at 1:30 am, she smelled like fragrant flowers were covering her from head to toe. Painful it was but I thank the Lord for answering my prayers not to let her suffer long, and not to give her the agony of lying in the hospital bed in pain for many days.

She was in coma, brain-dead, because of intracranial hemorrhage, for four days. I had asked the Lord to be merciful to her, to be gracious to her and give her peace, and to let her go forgiven. I felt it was a stupid thing to ask for her life back when it was only the respirator that was helping her to breathe.

It was painful for me and for everybody to see the agonizing picture of my mother in that condition – unconscious, in pain, limp, and with many tubes inserted in her. I cannot ask God to let her live in such agony, like a vegetable, supported with food via an NGT – an almost similar scenario when my father was in comatose for more than a month before he died. Why let her suffer when she had enough of it living with her favorite child?

The Lord gives life, but only He can take it back. I firmly believe it. If the doctor asked me to pull out the respirator tube, I think I will not do it. The Lord knows when He will take back the life He had let us borrow. After an 80/80 BP, it went abruptly to 50 palpatory. The ECG produced a flat line. And after crying loads of tears, and at the same time preventing myself from hysteria, the feeling was numb, very painful inside but numb.

Her death gave me a lot of things to ponder like I must live my life for others so that they will fondly remember me and give back the service to others as I have given them mine. I have to work and be useful and not be more of a burden. I have to communicate, and let others feel that I love and I care. Most of all, I have to be there when others need me.

There was a time that I thought why sometimes there is no choice for us. But always, I am reminded by what a friend said that all things work together for good. Don’t get me wrong. I am not jubilant but I am assured that God has a plan for each and everyone who believes. God is indeed a gracious God. He gives life, but He also takes it – for a reason, of course.

God bless your soul, Ma.

The Lord Giveth, the Lord Taketh

At 2:00 am of March 18, 2007, my mother expired. That is what the doctor told us. But I felt that she passed away more or less 30 minutes past because when I approached the bed at 1:30 am, she smelled like fragrant flowers were covering her from head to toe. Painful it was but I thank the Lord for answering my prayers not to let her suffer long, and not to give her the agony of lying in the hospital bed in pain for many days.

She was in coma, brain-dead, because of intracranial hemorrhage, for four days. I had asked the Lord to be merciful to her, to be gracious to her and give her peace, and to let her go forgiven. I felt it was a stupid thing to ask for her life back when it was only the respirator that was helping her to breathe.

It was painful for me and for everybody to see the agonizing picture of my mother in that condition – unconscious, in pain, limp, and with many tubes inserted in her. I cannot ask God to let her live in such agony, like a vegetable, supported with food via an NGT – an almost similar scenario when my father was in comatose for more than a month before he died. Why let her suffer when she had enough of it living with her favorite child?

The Lord gives life, but only He can take it back. I firmly believe it. If the doctor asked me to pull out the respirator tube, I think I will not do it. The Lord knows when He will take back the life He had let us borrow. After an 80/80 BP, it went abruptly to 50 palpatory. The ECG produced a flat line. And after crying loads of tears, and at the same time preventing myself from hysteria, the feeling was numb, very painful inside but numb.

Her death gave me a lot of things to ponder like I must live my life for others so that they will fondly remember me and give back the service to others as I have given them mine. I have to work and be useful and not be more of a burden. I have to communicate, and let others feel that I love and I care. Most of all, I have to be there when others need me.

There was a time that I thought why sometimes there is no choice for us. But always, I am reminded by what a friend said that all things work together for good. Don’t get me wrong. I am not jubilant but I am assured that God has a plan for each and everyone who believes. God is indeed a gracious God. He gives life, but He also takes it – for a reason, of course.

God bless your soul, Ma.

Beloved Daughter

Because of my worries about Kay’s condition, I replied an email from Abaniko, about her situation, without even a thought if I should share this family matter to a blogger. Perhaps it’s my way of letting out the burden in my heart.

A week after her release from the hospital, her fever returned together with red spots generally spread throughout her body except the face. It was not the usual high fever but a few times a day rise from 37.9 to 39 degree C. It was mind-boggling for us. How could that be when she was declared OK by that doctor from the hospital? She said it was a prolonged flu. But how come the fever returned, and now with red spots? The endless possibilities and reasons – I shuddered at the thought.

We decided to bring her to our long family doctor who was not around the first time Kay got the fever. She said it was not measles explaining to us that measles will start with a three day high fever before the red spots appear and that it starts from the ear down. In her case, it was general and abrupt. It was allergy, but her suspicion of the fever clinged. The fever did not leave. It came back at 39 degrees C, with the red spots disappearing (because of the anti-allergy med).

The family doctor immediately ordered to have her for a series of tests – CBC (again), platelet count (again), Xray and urinalysis. Each time was an ordeal for Papsie. Well, it was also for me but I always tell him that worrying will not help at all – praying does. A few days passed and Kay’s situation started to get on me. It was stressful. And everytime I take the temperature, Papsie’s blank and sad look in his face is so affecting me I want to cry.

All the tests produced negative results except for the urinalysis. She has UTI. And I was like, “Yey, you have UTI!” Kay smiled, and I desperately explained, “I am not happy because you have UTI, I am happy because of Papsie.” She smiled again, “I know, Ma, I know.”

Every one of us knows how our endearing Papsie loves us. If we’re the characters in a stage play, you would definitely be moved by his love. You would hear him always say, “How I wish I’ll be the one who gets all the illness. I don’t like the sight of it.”

Please check on Thoughts in Verses. You will find a poem that I got so inspired to write because Papsie always wishes to ‘catch the affliction before it gets near my children’.

Beloved Daughter

Because of my worries about Kay’s condition, I replied an email from Abaniko, about her situation, without even a thought if I should share this family matter to a blogger. Perhaps it’s my way of letting out the burden in my heart.

A week after her release from the hospital, her fever returned together with red spots generally spread throughout her body except the face. It was not the usual high fever but a few times a day rise from 37.9 to 39 degree C. It was mind-boggling for us. How could that be when she was declared OK by that doctor from the hospital? She said it was a prolonged flu. But how come the fever returned, and now with red spots? The endless possibilities and reasons – I shuddered at the thought.

We decided to bring her to our long family doctor who was not around the first time Kay got the fever. She said it was not measles explaining to us that measles will start with a three day high fever before the red spots appear and that it starts from the ear down. In her case, it was general and abrupt. It was allergy, but her suspicion of the fever clinged. The fever did not leave. It came back at 39 degrees C, with the red spots disappearing (because of the anti-allergy med).

The family doctor immediately ordered to have her for a series of tests – CBC (again), platelet count (again), Xray and urinalysis. Each time was an ordeal for Papsie. Well, it was also for me but I always tell him that worrying will not help at all – praying does. A few days passed and Kay’s situation started to get on me. It was stressful. And everytime I take the temperature, Papsie’s blank and sad look in his face is so affecting me I want to cry.

All the tests produced negative results except for the urinalysis. She has UTI. And I was like, “Yey, you have UTI!” Kay smiled, and I desperately explained, “I am not happy because you have UTI, I am happy because of Papsie.” She smiled again, “I know, Ma, I know.”

Every one of us knows how our endearing Papsie loves us. If we’re the characters in a stage play, you would definitely be moved by his love. You would hear him always say, “How I wish I’ll be the one who gets all the illness. I don’t like the sight of it.”

Please check on Thoughts in Verses. You will find a poem that I got so inspired to write because Papsie always wishes to ‘catch the affliction before it gets near my children’.

What is Interesting By the Way?

The bloglandia is growing. More and more interesting bloggers are emerging. But what is interesting by the way? It is subjective. What is interesting to me may not be to anybody. No point at issue. No reason for anybody to be cynical why a fellow blogger is interested about another blog but not hers or his.

I just can’t help recalling how some talented bloggers once made fun of the styles and content of some blogs. Maybe it was pure fun but it did not register to me that it was fun. For me, it’s offensive, and that they were egotists. How I was tempted to leave a mark – “Why don’t you take a whack at it?” I mean, if somebody writes a journal for example, and that is not the way you wanted to present your blog because you simply cannot do a journal then why not try. See if you can put up with the cynicism you might be getting doing something not really your flair.

I think blogging is like our way of life. What we write says so much about ourselves the way our dress, our habits, our circle of friends, our beliefs and principles, or our faith tells that much about ourselves. Blogging is somehow sharing a piece of ourselves, and that includes what can be interesting to the readers.

Admittedly though, there are bloggers who are really talented, and gets almost everybody’s attention. They have the panache that gets visitors hooked. But some of them are not necessarily normal, moral, true, A1, articulate, brilliant, successful, or anything that is conventional (for some others point of view) but they have the talent and they share pieces of their lives which are actually resembling what the many visitors’ pieces of life have. They have what it takes to be appealling to most of the visitors and the readers.

So, interesting is subjective. Anyone can always visit one blog that has interesting concepts more frequently but that cannot be equivalent to saying that the other bloggers are not interesting persons themselves.

What is Interesting By the Way?

The bloglandia is growing. More and more interesting bloggers are emerging. But what is interesting by the way? It is subjective. What is interesting to me may not be to anybody. No point at issue. No reason for anybody to be cynical why a fellow blogger is interested about another blog but not hers or his.

I just can’t help recalling how some talented bloggers once made fun of the styles and content of some blogs. Maybe it was pure fun but it did not register to me that it was fun. For me, it’s offensive, and that they were egotists. How I was tempted to leave a mark – “Why don’t you take a whack at it?” I mean, if somebody writes a journal for example, and that is not the way you wanted to present your blog because you simply cannot do a journal then why not try. See if you can put up with the cynicism you might be getting doing something not really your flair.

I think blogging is like our way of life. What we write says so much about ourselves the way our dress, our habits, our circle of friends, our beliefs and principles, or our faith tells that much about ourselves. Blogging is somehow sharing a piece of ourselves, and that includes what can be interesting to the readers.

Admittedly though, there are bloggers who are really talented, and gets almost everybody’s attention. They have the panache that gets visitors hooked. But some of them are not necessarily normal, moral, true, A1, articulate, brilliant, successful, or anything that is conventional (for some others point of view) but they have the talent and they share pieces of their lives which are actually resembling what the many visitors’ pieces of life have. They have what it takes to be appealling to most of the visitors and the readers.

So, interesting is subjective. Anyone can always visit one blog that has interesting concepts more frequently but that cannot be equivalent to saying that the other bloggers are not interesting persons themselves.

More Than the Days of the Calendar Month

Today is Papsie’s birthday, which to his friends is Mang Tomas. It amuses me to know that it is very common among his friends to christen the people around the neighborhood. You will hear labels like Pantog, Kabayo, Kokok, Adobo, Ma’men, or Pade, to mention a few. Nobody seems peeved about these labels. It’s their way of life. It is part of the camaraderie.

Papsie is celebrating his 43^rd birthday, more than the number of the days of the calendar month. We use two calendars now to count the number of days.

I wrote a Tagalog poem today which will be included in my Tula-tulaan site later when I finished the importing to WordPress.Here goes.

Maligayang Kaarawan, Mang Tomas!

Pakiwari ko’y
‘lang magaganap
na inaasam
ngayong gabi, Paps!

Paano nama’y
tiyak abala,
May kaarawa’y
di maabala

At tiyak, Papsie,
sila’y babati
Makikikain
Makikiinom

Sana’y may gift rin
Jokelang, mga pare,
Pero wish ko lang
totohanin nyo

Sana’y malasing
mo silang lahat
Kasama na ang
mga timawa

Kasama na ang
mga bisitang
pandangal at mga
tunay na tao

Kaming lahat ay
masaya dahil
magdidiwang uli
si Mang Tomas!

Hangad namin ay
maging masaya
ang tanging araw
na para sa ‘yo!

MALIGAYANG KAARAWAN, MANG TOMAS!

More Than the Days of the Calendar Month

Today is Papsie’s birthday, which to his friends is Mang Tomas. It amuses me to know that it is very common among his friends to christen the people around the neighborhood. You will hear labels like Pantog, Kabayo, Kokok, Adobo, Ma’men, or Pade, to mention a few. Nobody seems peeved about these labels. It’s their way of life. It is part of the camaraderie.

Papsie is celebrating his 43^rd birthday, more than the number of the days of the calendar month. We use two calendars now to count the number of days.

I wrote a Tagalog poem today which will be included in my Tula-tulaan site later when I finished the importing to WordPress.Here goes.

Maligayang Kaarawan, Mang Tomas!

Pakiwari ko’y
‘lang magaganap
na inaasam
ngayong gabi, Paps!

Paano nama’y
tiyak abala,
May kaarawa’y
di maabala

At tiyak, Papsie,
sila’y babati
Makikikain
Makikiinom

Sana’y may gift rin
Jokelang, mga pare,
Pero wish ko lang
totohanin nyo

Sana’y malasing
mo silang lahat
Kasama na ang
mga timawa

Kasama na ang
mga bisitang
pandangal at mga
tunay na tao

Kaming lahat ay
masaya dahil
magdidiwang uli
si Mang Tomas!

Hangad namin ay
maging masaya
ang tanging araw
na para sa ‘yo!

MALIGAYANG KAARAWAN, MANG TOMAS!

Positive Resistance

A friend utterly declined a superior’s instruction to perform another function which was left by a staff who resigned. Actually, there were no contingency plans even after she submitted her resignation to the President. There is no way the information will be denied from the said superior. But there was no movement or action from him after that meeting between the President and the staff. The clearance was not even manufactured immediately.

A few days passed by without a word of instruction to those concerned regarding the policies when somebody resigns. It could have been normal if a meeting was held in order to talk about the workload that will be turned over and who is going to take over temporarily, about their plans regarding the position which is a vital one, and about the possibility of work or process interruptions. Then the news about the staff leaving for abroad prior to the said date in her letter of resignation broke. She was already absent for almost a week by that time.

The superior became panicky, I guess, after the process customer frequented his office about the materials not yet analyzed (this is what the staff who resigned do – analyze the materials before production). It was discovered that there was a significant backlog.

This is when he burst into my friend’s office and asked her to perform the function ‘temporarily’. Just like that, very informal, without plans laid for her. Of course, my friend got angry but she managed to talk in a proper demeanor but was very firm in her stand that she cannot afford to accept another function. She clearly suggested what she can do the least – that is, to assist whoever will be placed in that position.

My friend had been telling me during the intensity of the situation that she is in positive resistance – a phrase I was not aware of and had first heard from her. It sounded technical to me and to my doubt asked her, what exactly does she meant. She simply said she was resisting not because she was just refusing work. She was opposing the idea because she wanted to make things straight. It is high time that they (those in top) realize that they cannot just pull out anybody and accept with arms wide open whatever they desire even if it causes trouble or work overload.

This piece of information has this to say about positive resistance:

Managers often perceive resistance negatively, and employees who resist are viewed as disobedient and obstacles the organization must overcome in order to achieve the new goals. However in certain instances, employee resistance may play a positive and useful role in organizational change. Insightful and well-intended debate, criticism, or disagreement do not necessarily equate to negative resistance, but rather may be intended to produce better understanding as well as additional options and solutions. de Jager (2001) claims, “the idea that anyone who questions the need for change has an attitude problem is simply wrong, not only because it discounts past achievements, but also because it makes us vulnerable to indiscriminate and ill-advised change’ (p. 25).

It is also interesting to note that there are seven (7) levels of resistance or what Marco Dorantes mentioned as ‘resistance continuum’:

1. Blind loyalty (Ask no questions) – DANGER: “Friends”

2. Believers but also questioners

3. Skeptics (‘Show me’)

4. Passive observers (‘What’s in it for me?’)

5. Opposed (fear changes)

6. More opposed (Fear loss of power)

7. Militantly opposed (will undermine and destroy) – DANGER: Enemies

Positive Resistance

A friend utterly declined a superior’s instruction to perform another function which was left by a staff who resigned. Actually, there were no contingency plans even after she submitted her resignation to the President. There is no way the information will be denied from the said superior. But there was no movement or action from him after that meeting between the President and the staff. The clearance was not even manufactured immediately.

A few days passed by without a word of instruction to those concerned regarding the policies when somebody resigns. It could have been normal if a meeting was held in order to talk about the workload that will be turned over and who is going to take over temporarily, about their plans regarding the position which is a vital one, and about the possibility of work or process interruptions. Then the news about the staff leaving for abroad prior to the said date in her letter of resignation broke. She was already absent for almost a week by that time.

The superior became panicky, I guess, after the process customer frequented his office about the materials not yet analyzed (this is what the staff who resigned do – analyze the materials before production). It was discovered that there was a significant backlog.

This is when he burst into my friend’s office and asked her to perform the function ‘temporarily’. Just like that, very informal, without plans laid for her. Of course, my friend got angry but she managed to talk in a proper demeanor but was very firm in her stand that she cannot afford to accept another function. She clearly suggested what she can do the least – that is, to assist whoever will be placed in that position.

My friend had been telling me during the intensity of the situation that she is in positive resistance – a phrase I was not aware of and had first heard from her. It sounded technical to me and to my doubt asked her, what exactly does she meant. She simply said she was resisting not because she was just refusing work. She was opposing the idea because she wanted to make things straight. It is high time that they (those in top) realize that they cannot just pull out anybody and accept with arms wide open whatever they desire even if it causes trouble or work overload.

This piece of information has this to say about positive resistance:

Managers often perceive resistance negatively, and employees who resist are viewed as disobedient and obstacles the organization must overcome in order to achieve the new goals. However in certain instances, employee resistance may play a positive and useful role in organizational change. Insightful and well-intended debate, criticism, or disagreement do not necessarily equate to negative resistance, but rather may be intended to produce better understanding as well as additional options and solutions. de Jager (2001) claims, “the idea that anyone who questions the need for change has an attitude problem is simply wrong, not only because it discounts past achievements, but also because it makes us vulnerable to indiscriminate and ill-advised change’ (p. 25).

It is also interesting to note that there are seven (7) levels of resistance or what Marco Dorantes mentioned as ‘resistance continuum’:

1. Blind loyalty (Ask no questions) – DANGER: “Friends”

2. Believers but also questioners

3. Skeptics (‘Show me’)

4. Passive observers (‘What’s in it for me?’)

5. Opposed (fear changes)

6. More opposed (Fear loss of power)

7. Militantly opposed (will undermine and destroy) – DANGER: Enemies