Knowing Not What to Do

First page of “On the Difficulty of Knowing One’s Self”, 1744 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Automatically, I turn to my God to utter my disgust about some people and situations. Pray I do, asking for deliverance from circumstances that really, really break my heart. I wonder why there are people that seem to not grow up and stuck to their selfish perception of what life is. It is sad that some of them are close to my heart. Yet they simply do not care. They tell me without words but with might that I have to accept the platter of plain and putrid rations they offer. What a way to impose one’s self to others.

I am rendered helpless. Then I start asking myself, “Is this about me at all? Does this reflect that I am a horrible person to elicit such depressing actuations from these people?” I try very hard to be good at people, to maintain composure (if not, all hell breaks loose), and to share what I learned about struggles.

I refuse to accept that this is about me. Not at all, one of the beloved would say. Perhaps these people deem their own ways, though unacceptable to me as one of the audience, as right for whatever reason they have. Besides, thinking about these as about me would make me egocentric, too. No, this should not be about me because they are the ones that weave their own web of life; they are responsible for the sources they get. Other people should not be blamed for the crap they’re into. It is always a choice.

I keep on imploring the aid of the Almighty. I do not care if others do not choose to have a God that I believe sustains me the strength but I do care about these people’s awakening, that they have to let themselves be whole first and not the other way around – believing that another person makes them, or other people make them, whole.

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For Valentine’s Day

I really do not know why I ended up with a title such as the one I have for this post.  It is not really about Valentine’s day.  It would be about my thoughts on the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  I got the idea when I was browsing for Philippine news online and stumbled upon Dolly Ann Carvajal’s Inquirer Entertainment article Star’s fave romantic films (2).

There is of course an endless list.  Allow me this time to say that accidentally the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind became a favorite.   I vow that I will be watching it again, and again, if time allows.  It stars Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet, as Joel and Clementine, respectively, and it is about two couples whose relationship turned sour and decided to erase each other from their memories.

 

Cover via Amazon

What I have right now is nothing akin to the movie. My husband and I, have differences, which are tolerable, and without anything that will turn it sour (for now – not that I am expecting it).  How things (consequences, situations and conditions) are thought through matter surely, and I am not Clementine, who have that audacity to say and display feelings of boredom that could result to depression or frustration of the partner.

If I will be allowed to add something to the movie, definitely it will be about something telling that the memory of anyone who had been a part of one’s life can never be erased entirely even by the most sophisticated tools of technology.  It is actually the premise I derived watching the movie even though it was clear in the movie that Joel and Clementine do not have clear memory of having known each other.  In my mind, while watching, assumptions were raised, and I found it lovely to think of ‘what if’.

It was also sweet that upon knowing what happened to their love and with thoughts of doubt from Clementine, they decided to try it once more, and start their life together anew.

Here is a part of that scene where Joel  ran after Clementine from his apartment:

[last lines]                                              

Joel: I can’t see anything that I don’t like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I’ll get bored with you and feel trapped because that’s what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.

They were laughing afterwards, probably realizing how much they wanted each other even after discovering how their two-year relationship turned, and with those records showing how they volunteered to have each other’s memories erased.

I probably would not resort to that procedure.  Painful memories are still memories. They warp a person’s whole being but they can also serve as MSG or additive to a stronger and reformed human being.  I believe good and bad experiences contribute to one’s resiliency.  I know, I am being naïve, as one of the bosses would say, but given my life and how it turned, with the frills of ‘the undesirable’, I will always stick to that mindset.  Call me a willing victim, if you like.

 

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Photohunt: Promise

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photohunt label

This Saturday’s Photohunt theme is Promise.

The pic above is my daughter wearing a wedding head dress she and her friend made for a client. I chose this picture as a depiction for the theme.  Weddings are always symbolic of promises for both individuals who decide to tie the knot.

No, my daughter will not be marrying yet, if you’ll ponder asking about it.  She just told her father.   😀