She would always remind us how indebted we are to her. This is not assassinating her character but my aunt is like that – helping, giving financial assistance and at the same time hurling words that would knife you in pieces. But that is just she.
When will a person in need have the right to retaliate, with words, too? No chance for beggars to grumble but to grumble within. When a person is in dire need, he or she would just swallow the bitterness of the situation, and swallow everything including the fish bones.
But when I started to work and earn money, I began to understand her. Life is not that easy. The responsibility one has to feed one’s self and others is tiring sometimes because everything heavy seems all that is to be encountered – from being heavily-laden to being heavy-hearted. And each day you wish you will become a heavy hitter someday to accommodate all the concerns.
She definitely did not go abroad for herself alone. She went to a far away land for her dreams to help. She desired that her siblings and their families would do something valuable to uplift their conditions with the considerable help that comes from her. Some she had helped became successful and some remained in the same situation. Some she adored and became her favorite and some she hated because of one or two reasons, one of which is being a burden all throughout.
She did not tell me those because we were not close. We seldom met before but I could identify with the circumstances. She spoke her mind most of the time because she was frustrated and felt helpless. And maybe hopeless, too, for these people – who just wanted to be burdens, and to be dependent all their lives.
I revere her for being courageous living alone in an alien city, and for giving something of herself by helping. I am saddened of the fact that I was not there during the time she was ailing until her death. All because we did not become close. All because I was infused with ideas that obliterated her good side.
This is a tag I came across Slim Whale’s blog. Taking the challenge is more than a challenge. I have to hark back to the lonely death of my Aunt Estella.