On Daughters Getting Pregnant

We went to Papsie’s relatives yesterday and I had a chance listening to ‘updates’ from a few.  One of the mothers related her sad story about her daughter who got pregnant while she was in college.  The guy did not take the responsibility and was a sloth that did not look for a job to be able to support.  Up to this time, he is unemployed.

The poor mother did not allow her daughter to go to school anymore and I asked why.  I told her that it could be beneficial for everybody that she finishes school.  But she replied that what if the guy starts to see her daughter again and impregnate her.  That would be disaster for her.

It was so easy for me to say those things.  I began to contemplate afterward if I could be able to do what I suggested sending her back to school.  I could understand the anger and the disappointment because as you see, the family is not well-off.  I believed that they were expecting that the daughter could help them in the future, or bring good news for the family when she graduates and land a job.

I honestly thought it was the expectation that brought the great disappointment.  There is a big difference when parents are earning enough for the family than when parents are working their butts off to provide for the family.  In a culture such as the Philippines’,  offsprings are expected to assist the family to get on with life’s hurdles.  There is truly a big difference when parents expect that their children will repay them for their parenting efforts by shouldering the family’s obligations.

I grew up in a family where my mother expected so much from her offspring that they will liberate her from poverty without doing anything, to change that course, and for her children.  This maybe the reason why I am open to the concept that children do not have obligations for their family, or to the parents specifically.  I truly believe that it is not necessary to oblige the children because they will have their chance of working for themselves and be an adult who will face the challenges in life in the future.  They will have their chances of helping, if they feel like it.  But parents should never necessitate the children’s role of being ‘providers’.

I believe that sending her daughter again to school will make a difference.  If only she would not waste her time, effort and energy harassing the father’s baby, and focus on what to do next, then it would be better for everybody.  I do believe she has to talk her out into committing to do good and give her the consequences if she fails this time.

I say this being a mother who is almost a single mother making ends meet for the family.

Image source.

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9 thoughts on “On Daughters Getting Pregnant

  1. even these days my parents sometimes ask for money coz they are having a hard time…sometimes i feel obliged but at other times it makes me happy that i am able to help them as well…O.o

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  2. I never had any qualms sharing with my parents the fruit of their sacrifices, however, I do not want my children to do the same to us. The pay back I want from them is to see that they have a better life than we have, economically, professionally and socially.

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  3. children have no responsibility toward their parents; it is the other way around. thus, parents should not expect anything in return from their children.

    if anything, when children “pay back” their parents, it should be out of love. 🙂

    but this is easier said than done, especially in families who are not well off and where parents expect their children to get them out of poverty. this is a very sad case. sabi nga ng ibang magulang, “utang mo sa akin ang buhay mo.”

    i'm glad my parents are not like these. 🙂

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  4. it is not a problem when parents ask for help but to oblige their children is a different story, ruby. your parents are blessed.

    it is ok when children help, bertN. we parents should let them live their lives. if the children will feel the obligations are put on his shoulders, it would really be sad.

    indeed, it should be out of love, kg. nakakalungkot no na may mga magulang na isinusumbat ang di dapat. di naman nila pag-aari ang kanilang anak.

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  5. it is unfair for the parents to invest in their children, ie, send them through university so their children can take care of them or uplift the family's status. We invest in our kids FOR THEIR SAKE and not our sake as parents.

    I've seen these teenage pregnancy take its toll even here, where the government provides welfare assistance to teenage mothers as long as they are in school. This is a problem all over the world and I believe that sex education in school when children are at the right age can help avert this crisis.

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  6. I totally agree with kg. I also believe when you have children, the kids become the #1 priority. Its only when they become adults that you can shift the prioty back to yourself.

    So maybe no kids for me for a long time lolz.

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  7. hello, bw! am sorry for the late reply. been sooo busy the past days. anyway, i was a product of a family where the parents expected me to return the favor, as if my being a scholar was because of them, as if i got my college education because they had given me that. but despite the fact, i still helped and paid the obligation. as to how much i was able to pay, i was not able to know. there seems to be not enough to pay.

    i believe, too, that sex education (not for the kindergarten students of course) should be a part of the course. education about the matter is very important.

    ha ha will! kids are bundles of joy. besides, i don't believe you would not have one. i bet you won't be able to resist ha ha

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