If you are Marlene Aguilar

It is very easy for anyone to say that Marlene Aguilar was wrong for not taking Jayson Ivler in to the police or for harboring him (considered a criminal during the time he was being surveyed) inside her home in Blue Ridge, Quezon City.  Some would confidently, being self-important, that they would hand in an erring child anytime.  What I am certain about is the thought that one can never be too sure until one had experienced what another is experiencing.

I can say that most parents have this inclination to protect their children in whatever form they can.  I have felt this way lots of times and have witnessed a number of parents do the same.  That is understandable for a parent to do but in a case such as Jason’s where he had inflicted harm and more so, slain people just because of his uncontrollable rage, it appears to be out of line.

It spells of wrong love for a parent’s child.  True love for the children is one where wrongdoers are punished but corrected.  True love for one’s children do not tolerate wrong or evil deeds.  This kind of parental affection where parents always stand up for the children even if they are wrong or had done something bad, especially against other people, could never protect them from future self- destruction.  It is like having to buy Nascarjackets to protect your son from racing accidents and you know they cannot be protected.

For reasons of expounding on the issue, perhaps one of the reason for tolerating a child’s misdeeds is to cover up one’s (as a parent) neglect to function as a parent to a child, and failure to realize one’s weaknesses and work on them to correct them.  Parents’ deficiencies are passed on to the children even unconsciously.

Some parents also believe that to give in, with eyes closed, to their children’s whims will make them better than any parent.  This is a notion that has stunk for years and could never help produce responsible citizens.

I leave a piece of understanding for Marlene though she could have weighed the consequences of loving in a wrong way.

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23 thoughts on “If you are Marlene Aguilar

  1. I don't know if there is a wrong and right way to love or care for your kids. For me, it's either you do or you don't. How they are brought up, however, is an entirely different matter. There needs to be some form of dicipline in the home. Dicipline that applies not only nto the child but the parents as well.

    The Ivler case is truelly a sad one. The boy, who I undersdtand had a tour of duty in Iraq, must have some personal problems, aggravated by his Iraq combat experience.

    How unfornate for all families involved in this sad sad affair.

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  2. How are you ? Long time no see…

    Well… I have a different opinion…
    I am quite strict with my son… and thanks God he is a good boy…
    But I understand that a mom or a dad… takes side of his own child…even if that child is evil incorporated (and it is obvious Ivler deserves his punishment).

    What Marlene did was something normal… you can't expect a mother to act differently. I am sure that Marlene understands that her son is a criminal, a murderer and evil… but I guess nature is stronger… Jason is a part of herself…

    Honestly… I would probably do the same.

    This is a scenario I don't wish any parents… not even in my darkest nightmares…

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  3. In my own Opinion, Marlene Aguilar is being so selfish, how about the family of the two persons her son killed? She even the US embassy for help investigate the abuse Jason Ivler got during the arrest. Is she in her right mind? what gave her the right to ask? Jason Ivler is a criminal.

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  4. i wonder about his military service and how did it affect him… many young men are not well suited to see the face of war, its very possible he is himself suffering from PTSD and the affects of this mental condition has side effects that make the person react to things without thinking which is common in a war zone.. if he son suffers from this there is help these days.. I hope someone who knows the family will pass this info along to them.. in closing as a father myself its easy to judge another parents choices when it comes to their children but first you need to walk a mile in their shoes..

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  5. MK, this Ivler case is truly a sad one. i guess i classified her love as wrong because of the seemingly lack of discipline. parents tend to love so much that they do not discipline their children, or teach them what is right or wrong. thank you for your thoughts. 🙂

    i am fine, Sidney! thank you for asking. 😀 i guess all parents will undergo a critical period of deciding to take in or not his or her child when faced with a case. initially, i believe, a parent's tendency is to protect. the matter should truly have to be thought of very carefully. but in the end, every parent should think what would serve his or her child right. 🙂

    hi, popthecorn! i guess everybody's reacting why Marlene stands to being like blind of her son's misdeeds. she refuses, as i see it, to accept that there is really something to be dealt with about his son's traits. thank you for sharing your thoughts. hope to hear from you again. 😀

    hello, robert. that is a sound observation. i believe being exposed to violence did something to him, if he truly was exposed to the cruelties of war itself when he was in Iraq. i guess, his mother knows about it, too, but as i said, she, too, is in denial that something is wrong. 🙂

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  6. Jason Ivler's mom is just crazy, last night she said she didn't know that her son was there, her excuse was that they live in a huge house. why do you have to lie Mrs Marlene?

    Its really hard na maawa for them, Her son did something really wrong.

    Mas naawa ako for the two mothers that lost their sons because of Jason Ivler.

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  7. The mother is absolutely the one to be blamed of why her child becomes a criminal. Mother's instinct is to love and nurtured her child from early childhood up to adulthood, however this encompasses proper upbringing and discipline, love and respect of rights of your fellowmen. Teach your child what is right and wrong and the good values of human relation. However, it seems that she tolerated her son for all his wrongdoings, which appeared right for his son because of the mother's tolerance. Yes, she loves her son, but it's wrong to tolerate your son for his wrongdoings and conceal her sins in the eyes of the public. Her son became a menace to the society and became a notorious criminal.

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  8. I don't know what I would've done had I been Marlene Aguilar. I guess it would really be very difficult for a parent, especially a mother, to report her child to the authorities and all. It would be more natural to do what one can to protect and save her child. Kaya lang siguro it depends na rin on what the child has done. Example, in Ivler's case, he murdered another guy, who's also the child of another pair of parents.

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  9. She even said on national TV that she will not apologize to the family of the those Jason killed. She said its GOD's will. JUST CRAZY!

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  10. I am wondering why Mrs. Aguilar continues to issue statement concerning his son's and her case. She should have been advised by her lawyers not to comment on the case anymore. Attempting to win public sympathy will not help her case. She's only giving the prosecution ammunition for the criminal actions instituted against her and her son.

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  11. nakakaawa talaga ang mga magulang ng mga nabiktima ni jason, popthecorn. i can't blame anyone to be mad at him and his mother, lalo na that it's obvious she's lying.

    i think, jansen, that the full blame cannot be thrown only to the mother. jason is a grown up already. marlene is just part of the whole situation. we all have minds to perceive what is right or wrong, especially when we already had reached that age of discernment. anybody can discard the bad things that their parents are doing and do the right thing. there is no excuse except in cases where the person is mentally incapacitated.

    saw that on tv, too, popthecorn. cant help but laugh at her senselessness.

    a clear case of denial and attempting to win anybody's sympathy (which is hardly to be gained), john. her advisers are not doing their job efficiently. thank you for sharing your thoughts. 🙂

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  12. It seems Marlene is enjoying the publicity she gets- the way she talks on TV about her past relations and the book she wrote. It looks as if her chance has come for a limelight exposure. Well, she can fit in a drama anthology. Calling all soap producers…

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  13. Blood is thicker than water.. a parent would always protect her child… unless perhaps he has an atomic bomb he's planning to detonate and kill a million people 😦 Then I have no choice but tip the authorities .

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  14. No wonder what kind of a person Jayson Ivler was. Like mother like son. Just look aat Marlene Aguilar the way she dresses and talked. It only reflects the kind of person she is. Is she not adviced by her family/relatives? Her age doesnt suit the types of dresses she wear. My God! Even on public! She had not been seen yet wearing a somewhat proper/formal dress. Only women with a bad personal background aare use to wear those types of dresses. Her whisper-like talk, not good to listen. Hwag ka nang sobra umarte. It's not good to look at and listen. If she only used her mind, her son may not end up that situation. “Kunsintidura”.

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  15. hi, Luna. oo nga, i find it very disturbing, too. something's amiss the way she talks.

    sounds like she's enjoying the attention she's getting, diana, i agree.

    hi, bw. it does not work that way for all parents. some parents does not love the way marlene loves her son. for some parents, it is not love.

    hello, anne. i do not look at things that way. i mean, i don't judge people by the way they dress. while it maybe true that in some circumstances, dressing is a reflection of one's personality, it does not apply to everybody. it is the content of what she's saying and her actions and decisions on the matter at hand that defines her. there are people who dress decently but are hoodlums and crooks themselves.

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  16. I firmly believe that most parents will support their children no matter what direction their child goes to and will fight for them to an extent they feel necessary. Obviously she was wrong, but who are we to judge? I assume its much different when its happening to you. Yes she was mistaken to harbor her child and especially to make those ghastly, thoughtless inappropriate comments regarding the families of victims. POPTHECORN was right. That part was plain stupid and should reflect her intelligence. But to fight for children is a given right. If anyone would intentionally hurt my future daughter or son, I would probably have to be restrained from killing the perpetrator. And would be glad to spend the rest of my life in jail for murder if it came to be. What I mean is, sometimes we can't help doing wrong. But if we are wrong, we should pay the price for it.

    I agree with BING that the fault doesn't lie alone with Ms. Marlene, though she is immensely at fault with harboring him. Ivler, is a moron and should be in jail( if not in jail, maybe in a chair that could be plugged in, in my opinion). Parents could do everything right, but no one can ever say how a child will be.

    ANNE, I do think her wardrobe was appalling. Marlene seems to be eternally flamboyant and like DIANA I do think she adores being the center of attention. Hopefully, she'll be popular in jail too.

    Finally, I would just like to point out that I have met others who have emerged as better human beings after their experiences in Iraq. Yes it could be a factor, but it should also be looked at both sides.

    Thanks Bing for the great wisdom/insight shared. Your page is now on my favorites. I look forward to your writings. My prayers go out to victim and their families.

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  17. lovelypit, thank you for sharing your thoughts. it would really be different when it's happening to you. as an old adage says, everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

    you had me smiling writing this line – “i would probably be restrained from killing the perpetrator”. as always, parents will be there no matter what. but there are different ways of giving your support but not in a way like tolerating. parents are giving the wrong message when they tolerate their children.

    sometimes, being a good parent is not a guarantee so nobody should jump into a conclusion that it is always the parents who had erred.

    could it be that marlene is also suffering from psychological imbalance? maybe yes, maybe no. and you are very right that not all exposed to violence as that in Iraq emerges as dysfunctional.

    thank you, thank you, for appreciating. 😀

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  18. Haha, natawa ako don, pagkakitaan daw ba, in fairness the link blends in well with the post.

    Anywho, I watched her interview sa the buzz and I can say that yes she is indeed intelligent, not really deranged kase kaya pa nyang mangloko…I saw a dangerous woman.

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  19. mr/ms crayons n pencils, i learned that her books (coffee table ones) are very good, too. must be really talented. and i agree, she is scary.

    he he napansin mo pala ang link. salamat if you think it blended well. my son also thought so. 😀

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  20. i'm not a mother ha! hahaha but i've been thinking these past few days na What IF i was marlene aguilar…and i found warmstone's site, and decided to leave a comment. hehe ((:

    there would be 2 BIG options for mrs. aguilar:
    1 she give up her son BUT feel guilty OR
    2 she protects her son, without guilt, thinking THAT's what mothers should do….

    but i think,either way, it'll show how she build up her child…the case would still be lying on her shoulders in the end…

    Like

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