Is Virginity Still an Issue Nowadays?

When Papsie was still my boyfriend, he had this to say when asked about women’s virginity, “Hindi naman importante sa akin kung hindi na virgin ang isang babae. Unang-una, minahal mo siya at niligawan nang hindi nalalaman kung ano ang buong katauhan niya. Nai-inlove ka naman ng di inaasahan, nangyayari iyon na di mo naman alam kung sino talaga ang taong iyon. (It is not important for me if a girl had lost her virginity already to somebody. In the first place you loved the person and courted her not knowing fully who she is. You fall in love unexpectedly, it happens without really knowing first the entirety of the person.)” I was taken aback with those words simply because all the while I had this idea that all men wanted a virgin wife. To this he retorted fast, “Sino naman ang aayaw doon? (Who would not want a virgin wife)” And continued with his opinion that it doesn’t mean otherwise that it is a prerequisite for him.

Odd it may seem for me to hear a man with those words; it had me reflecting whether it is really an issue. The attitude of men towards virginity, I believe, is still universal – that they value it more than women valued men’s. Though the matter is congruent to a country’s culture, tradition and customs, it is still a universal belief that female chastity is a matter of morality.

Together with the fast paced technology coming in the Philippines, almost everybody is aware now that the presence or the absence of the hymen is not an indicator of virginity though historically it was. Virginity is more of the state of the mind. It refers to the unspoiled state – that of being untouched, unexplored or unspoiled. But does it really matter to a relationship? Is it really a big factor for a successful and meaningful bonding?

We go to the question – is virginity still an issue nowadays? I have no idea actually. I maybe guessing depending on the trend today, which are mostly from beliefs evolving from other cultures such as the Western culture. Filipinos are generally mutable. Observe how the F4 fad affected the multitude of the young generation of today (including some of those not young anymore) – from the haircut to the outfit. With this example, one can say that the trend today is you have to be “in”. I wonder if that would include how the youth consider virginity. Is it still regarded as a virtue – that is a big question I think?

A 20 plus-year-old chat friend once told me that the girls or the women nowadays are ‘hot’. I was a bit affronted by the remark not sure if that was a good or a bad one. And waited for more quips before I give my own. He continued by saying sometimes it is the girls who initiate and they are as young as high school students. That is disturbing to hear but I am not really ‘friends’ with this guy so I was not sure if he was just blowing his horn. I replied that situations differ and so does people, too. He may had been exposed to that circle of friends where the girls are very liberal with their way of thinking.

One cannot alter the fact that mothers are very protective of their daughters. I maybe considered as one especially about my daughter’s welfare. I don’t discuss this whole thing about virginity directly but I always remind her that she has to reserve something for herself when she loves so that if she meets the right guy, there will still be more and complications will not affect the relationship. I know that I have to be direct one day but not today. There are still ample tomorrows to chat about men. I might be prepared by that time to elaborate why some men value virginity before a wedding night though not all men highly prized it at all.

I may also be blunt and tell my daughter that some men just wanted honesty but generally, all of them dream of a virgin wife (why the heck tease the girls to bed?) But sometimes I have these lines of thoughts – are these efforts to protect virginity a way of controlling female sexuality? That would be oppressive, on the other hand, don’t you think?

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